Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
