maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
