remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Randomize
