no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
