I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
