He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
