remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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