at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize