WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
