I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
