I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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