We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
