You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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