My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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