I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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