piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
