We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
someone owes me an orgasm
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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