Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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