he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
