so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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