I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Randomize
