yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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