I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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