Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
