I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
