She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
