im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
