is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize