i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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