If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
