he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
