it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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