Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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