I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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