apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
