Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
