there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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