I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
