You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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