My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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