worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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