Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
