Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
