I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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