she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
be right there i have to get my cape
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
