Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
