I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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