Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
