I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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