If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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