You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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