best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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