Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
