OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
