Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
