Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Operation Purity has been aborted
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
