everyone is single if you try hard enough
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
