and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
