...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize