Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
