Moan for me like Helen Keller
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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