Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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