Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
