I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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