she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
