That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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