i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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