he wants to bone in the snuggie
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize