What a fucking waste of an outfit
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
