if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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